Monday, April 18, 2005
Today many things happened...jus 2 days and i was totally down in depressed mode again...One is because of an incident, i finally realized what exactly a friend i am... A friend that cant help their own friends... A friend that take advantage of their own friends... A friend that can't share pain with another friend... A friend that never even giv care and concern to another friends... A friend which NOT FIT to be other people friends...Once again... I feel like broking down into tears...really dun noe wad exactly happened to me.... read someone's blog again... and again i cried... this time not cries of sorry... but cries of uselessness... When friends are in trouble, i am not there... When people need help... I am not there... What am i?? Who am i?? Wad a funny wish i had to help as many as i can... when i never even did b4... i am sad... so sad... that's not the only reason... I was jus awaken into the realistic world... so real and scary that i don't want to face it... I want to help some people... tell that person to care for other people's feelings... but am i able to do it?? b4 i tell that person??...='( Then it was the 'someone'... I really missed him... wanted to tell him how i felt... but i couldn't... couldn't bear to bother him again... Haix.. I am just lost in the world.. I keep telling myself to be happy...if i want to see other happy too... But just don't know why... all around me are now faces of stress and sadness...everyone seemed to change... everyone seemed to lost their smiles... seeing these faces, i cant cope but to reveal my sadness in me... Reflecting on all the past, i asked myself once again...Do i help others more than they help me??? Finally i came to the conclusion that,i am jus so useless... everytime is me, who recieved help from others and not me who give others help... I am useless so useless.... think i am jus destined to be a loner of my life... best to not have any friends... maybe it is just time for me to drift off bit by bit... so as to prevent more hurt caused to my friends... sorry friends... ='( i am jus so useless...='(
anyway... wanna wish my xiao zhu [XIAOyan]
HaPpIe bUrFdAe!!
thats what friends are for;
8:15 PM
